Sunday, June 13, 2010

Is it a good sign?

..... continued

Simone: I'm bummed. I want him to miss me and invite me to do something. I just want more, and he is still not able to give it to me, clearly.

So we'll stop talking about it.

Valentina: So you want more from him? Look, the situation is delicate. You broke up with him, so at this point, it's going to be baby steps until it progresses to him asking you to do anything. You need to relax and take it slow right now. Stop getting frustrated that you aren't getting "more" at this point. You just recently started exchanging texts, stop rushing things. Stop expecting things. Maybe you like him, but you really have to stop expecting too much of someone, especially when you can't control what the other person feels or is going to do. Stuff doesn't happen by you snapping fingers and voila! You're texting him, that's good, it's a move in the right direction, if you are chill about it and no expectations.

I think you bruised his ego by breaking up with him. He's going to tread carefully now until he is sure, before making any type of move or leap to ask you to do something with him.

p.s. I'm furious with someone at work. I swear I could complain and have them fired. He's so incompetent.

Simone: It's not in my nature to be chill and have no expectations. It's something I need to work on, but that is like asking an addict to quit drugs or alcohol!

p.s. don't enable his incompetence, report him or you will just enable the problem.

p.s.s thanks for listening to me about all this, I know I can be crazy.

Valentina: Shut up. I'd listen to you all day long! I'm sorry I'm so harsh on you, but I think it's the only way to make you see things clearly. Try to not over-analyze.

The thing is, at this point, you aren't even allowing things to develop. You want him, but you aren't letting the work happen that has to happen before you get to go out again. Know what I mean? You're back at stage one. As if you just met him. You have to talk, text, get to know the other, before the date gets to happen. Work has to happen to make up for the break-up. The asking party needs to feel that if they go out on that limb to ask the other out again, they won't get turned down, that you would say yes. When you cut him off by not responding to one of his random texts that mean nothing, you essentially are telling him the answer is NO.

Simone: I'm wondering if him contacting me with frivolous talk is a good thing? I think I need to reevaluate what I want. I don't think I know what I want out of this, hence the craziness.

Valentina: I don't understand why you think it's frivolous talk. What is the talk supposed to be about? He's contacting you to make conversation, to touch base with you. If you give a little back then maybe the frivolous talk will turn into a deep conversation about whatever. But again, you have to go through the baby step of the frivolous talk. Especially when you haven't even texted or talked for a few weeks. He's feeling things out!

p.s. When will the day end?? I want to go home, I have so much to do and it's stressing me out that I'm stuck at work not getting other stuff done!

Simone: So do you think it's a good sign or not a sign at all? The frivolous talk?

p.s. I know, when will the weekend get here?

Valentina: YES! I think it's a good sign so you better stop being a brat and being short with him or not texting back or he'll stop contacting you all together!!!!

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